Youth Guide

Leadership & wellness for all youth

Design Your Dream Life Today

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Gay teens: your life is waiting for you! It’s hard to think that your life is ahead of you and filled with promise when there are so many people waiting in the wings to tear you down. That’s not something that you always want to face. You want to feel like you have the world ahead of you, but when everyone is telling you what a horrible person you are because you’re gay; it tends to take the wind out of your sails. You are much better than what people say you are, always remember that.

Now then, what can you do right now to get yourself back on track? You have to design your dream life. You want to push forward for the things that really matter to you. It’s better to think like this than feel like you’re utterly trapped with nowhere to go.

Many of us in our own inner circle went through humiliation after we came out of the closet. We didn’t want to feel like being gay was a bad thing. When you’re surrounded by people who are filled with hatred, it’s easy to feel isolated. So we bonded together and realized that it was time to either crumble to pieces or feel empowered that we could make it.

We had to think about the bigger picture. We had to think about all of the things that go into doing better and living better.

Designing your life can be as easy as picking up a piece of paper and a pen. You want to write down everything that you want to do with your life. Don’t think right now about what’s realistic and what’s not. It’s just time to dream again and feel like the entire world is right ahead of you. It’s important to feel like there’s nothing that can stop you from getting what you ultimately want to get. You have the power to have a great life as long as you can keep your focus up.

The best thing that you can do from here is to make sure that you think carefully on the type of path you have ahead of you.

Think about who you want in your life. What does your ideal gay partner look like? What are they into? What do they want from you? How do they feel about you? There’s something about writing this out that can really be relaxing. When you don’t let yourself rule out opportunities just because they aren’t here, you get to keep dreaming big.

Our opinion is that gay teens don’t dream big enough. They feel that their dreams aren’t going to come true because of their current situation. Could you move to a much more gay friendly city? Absolutely, you could.

You don’t even have to share this information with someone else. It can be part of your private world, and there’s nothing wrong with that. You don’t have to tell everyone what you’re really thinking. If you’re in a hostile situation, you don’t have to tell anyone. In fact, it can really mess up your chances in terms of getting out of the situation if people know what you’re ultimately trying to reach. They may try to make you feel bad emotionally or start problems for you. That’s something that you really want to avoid if you can help it.

Don’t feel like you have to always have everything worked out. Like we said before, it’s quite fine if you don’t really have all of the answers at the beginning. You can move forward slowly until you finally get where you want to go!

Deliver Yourself Out of Unhappiness – Find the Courage to Find Joy!

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This is a topic that’s near and dear to our hearts: gay teen suicide. We all have read headlines showcasing young teens that have left this world far too soon. We’re outraged. We’re hurt. And we’re hopping mad.

But it starts before the suicide stage. We have to reach within ourselves as individuals before we really know how to heal anyone else. If you’re hurting right now, you might feel like it’s time to give up. When you feel surrounded by nothing but anger and fear from people that don’t take time to know you, it’s natural to feel discouraged. However, you have to make sure that you dip into the Self and heal what’s broken there.


You don’t have to settle for unhappiness if you don’t want to. It might sound like something that would really help you get through a hard life but that’s not the case at all. You need to make sure that you’re tapping into your own joy. You have to get out of your own way sometimes and let the joy come into your life.

Don’t walk around thinking that you have to do it on your own. In all of the suicide stories, there’s a distinct sense of isolation. Staying isolated is only going to give you time to think about everything that’s broken. Who wants that?

If you need a change of scenery, you might really want to think about moving to an area that’s much more gay friendly. No, it’s not a bad thing to escape your problems. There are just times where you need to break out of what people think you should do. You can’t live your whole life being afraid to get things done. Sometimes you just need to step out of your comfort zone. Why stay somewhere that you’re going to get mocked and made a fool of? If you can’t move now, then it’s time to save up until you can.

We know that it can take a while to be whole again, but it’s definitely worth looking into. How bad do you really want it, when you think about it? Fight hard today!

Caught a Partner Cheating – Find Relief Today

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There’s a lot of overlap between the gay and straight community. We can be honest about that — if you’re thinking about the way you’re being treated in a relationship, you can bet your entire stack of dreamy teen idols that someone else is feeling the same way. Far too often, we think of ourselves as completely separate, and the issues that affect the straight community don’t affect us at all. But is that really the case? The reality here is that what happens in relationships hurts whether you’re gay or straight.

So if you wake up and find that your partner is cheating on you, you shouldn’t feel like you have to suffer in silence. Unfortunately a lot of gay teens think that they have to suffer in silence because everyone has been so critical of them. They feel that there’s just no way out, but that’s not the case at all. If you really want to make sure that you’re focusing on everything that’s important, you owe it to yourself to find healing for such a tough situation.

Getting help from gay-friendly friends and family is the name of the game. You want to run towards supportive people, not away from them. If you shut yourself off from the world, you’re going to be trapped with your thoughts. We can’t speak for everyone, but we know that when we’re left with way too much free time to think things through, we start imagining the worst.

It’s very typical to blame yourself and think that you will not have any type of options when it comes time to move on. You want to dwell in all of the hurt feelings, but that’s not something that really makes sense in your situation. It’s better to really think about everything that’s waiting for you, not the things that are holding you back.


Don’t feel like you were cheated on because you’re gay. Infidelity is something that actually happens to people from all backgrounds. That doesn’t mean that it hurts less, but you should take a little bit of comfort in knowing that you aren’t the only person in the world that has been cheated upon.

If you really want our advice, we think that you shouldn’t move backwards. Far too often, when your partner is caught they will want to try to tell you that it only happened once and it will never happen again. However, it’s been our experience that by the time you discover what’s really going on; they practically have a second relationship on the side. That may be too much for you, and there’s no one in the world that can force you to accept something that is outside your comfort zone. You have every right to a monogamous, loving relationship.

Talking it out with your ex is something that comes only after you’ve had some space away from the conflict at hand. Don’t try to talk to them late at night when you’re thinking about going to bed. Don’t talk to them when you’re drunk and you just want to numb the pain away. Don’t talk to them when you’re unhappy about everything else. Try to come to them on as neutral of ground as you can. Don’t sleep with them just because they ask for a second chance. It’s very easy to assume sex means love, but there are plenty of people that can sleep with you without having any type of bond to you. Is that fair? No, not really but it is what it is. You have to make sure that you’re protecting yourself as much as possible.

It hurts, gay teens. It’s a pain that just keeps hurting and eventually, time takes away the active sting. Yet you never really forget. While it’s true that you can stay with the person, you’re always going to wonder if they’ll keep their word or not. Once trust is broken, and it can feel like a lifetime passes before it’s restored.

As always, take care of you first and the rest will follow!

Why the Gay Community Still Needs Its Heroes

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The gay community is growing and changing, as all communities do. The personal is political when you’re gay, and there’s never a day that you get to just sit back and be nonpolitical. After all, your very identity is tied to a political issue that is growing deeper and deeper. While many show support for gays, there are many that oppose even the right of gays to live anywhere that they chose, fearing that they will be a danger to their children. That’s definitely not a great way to strike up a conversation, now is it?

You want to always make sure that you’re thinking about your agenda, not just the political one. That actually brings us to our next subject — why the gay community needs its heroes.

It would be easy to say that the battle of gay rights has been won in many ways, since gay marriage does exist in many places. However, is that all we were fighting for? Absolutely not. It’s important to also have health care coverage for one’s domestic partner, as well as being able to adopt as a gay couple.


There’s also the very important issue of being able to get the same survivor’s benefits. When someone is married to you and they die, the rights of ownership are pretty clear because many things would be transferred to the spouse. Gays don’t have that right automatically.

It’s not just about contracts – it’s about the rights that everyone else has that we don’t.

We still need our heroes of the gay community raising the alarm, pointing out intolerance and actually making it clear that we aren’t just going to be quiet. If they want to take money from us to benefit society, why shouldn’t we have equal rights? We’re still expected to go to work, pay our taxes, do the right thing, and just shut up about intolerance. It just doesn’t work that way, because we’re not going to allow it so.

Sure, there are opponents of gay rights that wish we would just shut up, and they are more than willing to declare the battle over. They’ve thrown a few crumbs our way, right? Well, that’s not the way it’s going to be, thankfully.

As a gay teen, you’re going to have to deal with the fact that your life, whether you like it or not, is political. Its’ time to get informed — you can do it!

Top African American LBGT’s

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We try to include as much as we can from all across the LGBT spectrum, so why not a listing of some amazing black LGBT icons? They are truly world influencers and have put their own stamp on what it means to be gay and black at the same time.

1. Carolyn Mobley


Here is an interesting example of Christian mercy in motion. Carolyn Mobley was the first woman to co-chair the African-American Lesbian/Gay Alliance — it’s a smaller part of the National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gays. She was actually raised as a devout Christian, but get this…her church condoned her sexuality even though she was a Christian educator. The organization she served bridged the gap between the civil rights movement and the LGBT movement. Powerful!

2. Lorraine Hansberry


A lot of people were very shocked to find that yes, Lorraine Hansberry was indeed part of the LGBT community. She is the playwright and civil rights activist who wrote A Raisin in the Sun and gained immense popularity.

3. Josephine Baker


Red hot and wild in her heyday, Josephine Baker had it all — actor, singer, dancer, and all around entertainer. She fled to France in order to have more opportunities, but it didn’t stop her from becoming a worldwide sensation.

4. Sheryl Swoopes


A true LGBT icon in the sports world — she was the first woman that signed with the WBNA and paved the way for others to come after her. She has also won three Olympic gold medals and is an outspoken advocate of higher pay for female athletes around the sports world.

5. Wanda Sykes


While Ms. Sykes has only been openly gay in the media for a few years, she’s been a media darling for much longer than that. She is a stand up comedienne and an all around funny woman.

6. Andre Leon Talley


If you haven’t checked out Andre Leon Talley or know who he is, no problem! He is a top fashion icon in the industry, a man who has been a key part of Vogue and other fashion portals for many years. He is consulted, admired, and carries his own sense of style in a really big way. In his own way, he is also a spokesperson for the healthy at any size movement, given his proportions. He proves that you don’t have to be thin in order to be…well, fabulous!

Gays of color should have their own role models, because it can be hard to look into a community and not see anyone that looks like you. The black community has traditionally been very conservative and religious, which hasn’t always meant a lot of tolerance for its black gay youth and young adults. The tide is changing though, thanks to the stylish, powerful, and influential black LGBT’s of the past, present, and most certainly the future.