Gay Couples Have a Bright Future To Think About

March 25, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hey, boy… so we’re not Ryan Gosling or anything, but we have to tell you something, gay teens: it really does get better. 2012 was a hard year. People coming out to protest against gays? People feeling slighted by gays finally getting the right to marry in multiple US states? Say it ain’t so!

The truth is that we need this kind of hope. We need this kind of change. We need to believe that we’re going to have a life of our very own. You might not see that today — and that might be pushing you into a world of depression. You might be reading this after thinking all morning about just ending your own life.

Trust me, gay teen. It’s worth sticking around. You just don’t know what opportunities are going to reach you until you push forward and try.
Ellen is one of the most bankable celebrities in Hollywood. Try as they might, they cannot put her down. They can’t get rid of her. She has a humor that extends beyond just being gay. She’s a warm, funny, and kind hearted person that truly wants to change the world. Think about it — if Ellen had given up, we wouldn’t have her funny, and all of the people that she’s helped wouldn’t have received that help. It’s hard to think about it that way, but it’s true — you’re a lot more needed than you think.

Somewhere out there is someone that’s going to love you for who you’ve become. There’s someone that’s going to truly appreciate the person that you’ve grown up to be. There’s nothing wrong with waiting of the right person to come along. Society often tells us that we have to rush into these decisions, but what about taking some time for you?

2012 was a hard year, but it also had some good stuff. Modern Family? We’re all over that. Glee? A favorite. There were just so many amazing moments where one just had to look back and realize… this is all good stuff.

So if you’re in the middle of feeling sad and bleu because others around you are tearing into you about being gay, just remember something. You aren’t the one with the problem. It’s them with the problem. Normal people don’t seek to tear others down. They would rather either just avoid them, or build them up. We would do so much better as a society if we just kept our negative thoughts to ourselves.

Hang in there. Don’t give up – ever!

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Your First Family Visit After Coming Out!

March 21, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Now that you know have came out of the closet and admitted to the world that you’re gay, your work still isn’t done. Oh, you might think that it is but the truth is that there are a lot of other factors that you’re going to have to handle before you can really feel like you’re on the right track.

The reality here is clear: even though you might not want to admit it, you have to realize the effect your family ahs on your life. You might want to pretend like you don’t care what they think of you. And you know what? You might be part of the population that can really make a clean break with their family. However the reality is that there are a lot more people that really do need to make sure that they are following the family line, so to speak. We want our families to love and accept us. Sure, many families support their gay teens just fine. But there are plenty of other gay teens that live with a lot of shame and frustration. There’s a few things that we want to say when it comes to your first family visit after coming out that you should know about.

The first thing is that you need to make sure that you don’t set your expectations too high for the first visit. Remember that when you’ve been one thing for a while it can be hard for people to realize that you’ve changed…for the better. This is something that’s going to make you feel better on a lot of different levels. You need to come out and make sure that you’re living the life that you were meant to lead. A lot of people ignore this, only to find that they are really shooting themselves in the foot. It’s going to make a lot more sense to get this out of the way.

But you don’t want to assume that everyone is just going to welcome you with open arms. There’s a lot of anti-gay propaganda out there, and it tends to pull families apart. You want to still make sure that you give your family a chance to adjust. It’s something that they might find weird, merely because they don’t really know any gay people.

As an aside this is honestly why gay media matters. We want to expose the fact that gay life is normal life — just like straight life, just like swinger life, just like any other type of lifestyle you want to lead. It’s better to make sure that you can honestly get everything you want out of life. It’s your happiness on the lien. If your family isn’t going to support you, you need to figure out how long you want to wait for them to get the picture.

We don’t like eliminating or excluding our family. But the truth is that you might have to do that in order to keep your sanity.

Another point that we have to make here is that you shouldn’t confront them alone if you know there’s going to be a lot of conflict. It’s better to try to work things out peacefully.

If you are going to travel a long way, you might want to call and talk to your family ahead of time before coming. You don’t want to spend the money to go all the way there, only to be rejected. Even worse, if you’ve hoped that they would give you a place to stay while you visit them, you could find yourself out on the street until it’s time to fly or drive back home. Yikes!

Everyone’s family situation is going to be different. We’re not trying to be all gloom and doom here, but we are trying to tell you that it’s always a good time to think about the type of lifestyle that you honestly want to lead. We keep repeating this because it’s definitely true. You have to know what you’re willing to accept, and what you’re not willing to accept.

When you go to visit family, try not to make everything about you being gay. Remember that we want to come off as normal as possible. Even though you might feel that it’s not fair, you do need to make sure that you’re thinking carefully about how you come off. If you come off militant, your family might go on the defensive.

For families where religion is concerned, you need to keep the conversation open. Not all Christians think a certain way. Someone can be Christian and still support gays. However, you still want to make sure that nobody disrespects you in any way.

Coming out means taking responsibility of your life. Life is way too short to be a victim in any way, so stand up for yourself. Remember: nobody has to be in your life unless you allow them to be! Good luck!

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It’s a Great Year for Gay Dating

March 15, 2013 by Leave a Comment

OK, so we’re a little late. Happy New Year, and all that stuff. Now let’s get into something more exciting: gay dating. If you’ve been in a rut for a long time and you’re just not sure about getting back in the dating pool, we have one thing to say to you: just do it!

No, we’re not trying to mock classic advertising slogans. If you’re dreaming about Nikes, that’s your problem. We’re just here to remind you that the person looking back at you in the mirror is a worthy person, and somebody really craves a chance to date you. It might not seem that way — especially for our gay teen friends in small towns where it feels like you’re the only gay person around. Remember that you’re probably one of the few that have had the courage to stand up and draw attention to the fact that they are indeed gay. There could be dozens more that aren’t ready to come out yet. You should never force someone to come out in order to interact with you, but you can be part of their support system. That matters more than anything else in the world. You just need to make sure that you’re thinking about their happiness too — talk it out and see what stage they’re at. If you’re not where you want to be, seriously consider relocating. There are plenty of gay friendly places around that don’t cost nearly as much as you think. A bigger city can reveal more dating prospects.

If you’re stuck in a rut and you feel like you’re just never going to find the right person to settle down with, answer this: are you honestly looking for someone that’s worth being with? Are you looking for a real relationship, or just a sexual escapade to pass the time? Far too often teens confuse the two, and that’s not a good thing either. There is something to be said about waiting to see the relationship develop before you have sex with someone else.

You need to seriously consider dating again, because it has so many benefits. When you’re dating and you feel really good about a new person, it can feel like everything is right in the world. Sure, breaking up is painful but who says that the next relationship won’t last? You have control over that, as long as you don’t give up your control to someone else.

The more thought you put into your gay dating needs, the better off you will be.

Is online dating a good thing for gay teens? We think so, but you’re going to want to make sure that you are being as cautious as possible. Make sure that you are meeting in a public place with anyone that wants to see you. Just taking them back to your room could be dangerous — you just never know what anyone’s intentions really are. It could be something that’s really dangerous.

You still want to hold an online date to the same type of standers that you would expect from someone that you want to date in your very own town that you grew up around. You want kindness, understanding, respect, dedication and dignity. That’s something that everyone else wants. There’s no need to feel like it’s impossible to do what you really want in life. Everyone deserves love and affection.

It can feel like a long road to honestly find someone that’s worth going out with. Hate to break it to you, gay teens, but gay dating can be just as complicated as straight dating. Don’t think that just because we’re all gay here that there’s some magical fairy that will just put the right person into your path. You have to go out there and get to know people. Think about some similar interests that you might want to share with someone that. This is the key to finding what you honestly want. That’s the only way that you’re going to connect everything together. It’s tempting to just throw up your hands and say that you won’t be able to get what you truly desire. But you know what? Quitting doesn’t care about your sexual preference — can you really accept just closing the door on all of the possibilities?

Think about it. Good luck!

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Confronting an Anti Gay Family member In 2013

March 11, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Every year is filled with holidays, and most people like to go back home to spend time with their families. For many straight people, they take it for granted that they’re going to be able to do that. For many gay teens, there is no teary hometown reunion. Many parents refuse to accept their children after they’ve come out, so many gay teens hope that everything will just run smoothly. Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. What you must do is make sure that you are coming into your own holiday plans with the right attitude, especially if you plan on surprising your family in any way.

Maybe we’re being a little too negative. The truth is that for every outspoken loud family, there are a dozen quiet families that really do want to make sure that their gay children know that they are loved and cared for no matter what their sexual orientation happens to be. You have to believe in the good of people, after all. Unfortunately, this is being drowned out by all of the loud ones that hurt their children by disowning them, often cutting off financial support.

That type of cruelty makes our blood boil.

If you’re trying to confront an anti gay family member this year, so that they have to take stock of you… think about it before you do. The truth is that you can’t change everyone’s minds, and you’re going to be spending a lot of emotional energy. The outcome that we obviously want to see is them embracing you. However, do you really want to spend money on a plane ticket or pay for a full tank of gas to find out that they really didn’t care about you the way you think you should be cared for? That’s the hard pill that gay teens might have to swallow if they walk down this path.

You also have to realize that you can’t force them. No amount of campaigning can force a closed mind to open up and see. Some people are stubborn. It’s something that you’re going to really have to think about if you want to follow this path.

We might sound negative here, and that’s not our intent. We just want you to be aware that this isn’t automatically going to be the happy story that you’re looking for. You might have some pain involved. This might be something hard for you.

But if you really want to involve your family in your life, it might be something that you needed to do. If you’re going to walk down this road, try not to do it alone. You might want to involve your gay partner in this, or straight friends that form the bedrock of your own personal gay-straight alliance. It’s going to be completely up to you to figure out which step is going to be the best.

As much as we wish we could be there, we just can’t be. But we can give you all of the confidence and love possible to make better decisions. What choices you make from that point have to be your responsibility. But if you want our advice… don’t let them grind you down. If you’re out, you should still be out. If you let them make you feel inferior, you’re going to constantly be fighting for acceptance. Who needs that? If you can’t bring your family over to your way of thinking… maybe you should keep your distance. This is something that many gay teens struggle with. They really want to be good to the people around them, only to find that there’s no love lost between their parents and themselves. Letting go of family is a soul crushing decision that sometimes has to be made. At the end of the day, nobody is worth giving up your sanity. You have to remember that. Good luck!

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Give Yourself Credit For Coming Out!

October 22, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the toughest things that you can do is come out — that is, explain to everyone around you that you’re gay, and that’s what makes you happy. Of course, in the era of Ellen being open and most of Hollywood being pretty gay, some feel that coming out is “no big deal anymore”.

That couldn’t be far from the case. We bet that some of you reading this right here, right now have never come out at all. That’s not something that we want you to feel like should be there. We want you to feel comfortable enough to come out to all of your friends and family, but life is what it’s going to be. Just because your immediate family are supportive doesn’t mean all of your friends will be. For some strange reason, a lot of straight people suddenly think that their newly-out friends are going to be hitting on them. Just as straight people don’t automatically hit on every straight person that catches their eye; gay people have the same level of discretion.


The best thing that you can do is try to give yourself a little credit for actually coming out. It’s a hard decision, and it’s not one that’s always celebrated. The more that you can do with the people around you that matter, the more impact that you have on the world.

Some feel that coming out isn’t necessary because there’s nothing to prove. While we can see their perspective, we also think that if gay is going to be an identity, why would you want to hide in the dark? A lot of people don’t apologize for being the way they are — why should you apologize for being gay? It’s not something that you woke up and chose. Why would anyone wake up and choose to be part of a group that people actively hate and wish death upon? Most people would try to avoid that if they could but it is what it is. We personally feel that nobody should ever hide in the closet, so to speak, in fear of what others will think. We should be free to love our friends and families, go to work, and have real lives. That’s not gay rights — that’s human rights.

You can’t change the Chik Fil A debate, and you can’t convince Fred Phelps that there’s nothing wrong with gay people. You can, however, be the gay person that you can fall in love with, because loving yourself first is the only thing that matters.

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Are We Still Hitting Our Goals As a Gay Community?

October 17, 2012 by Leave a Comment

One of the hardest things to do in the gay community is to actually think like a community. And that’s the good part of being a gay community, but it’s also an area where it’s easy to get concerned. You see, we have to look at goals as individuals, and we also have to look at goals as a community. Even if we stopped looking at ourselves as a community, outside groups would still lump us together.

So the question remains: are we hitting our goals as the gay community at large? That’s a tough question, but we think that the answer is a bit of a mixed bag.

You see, the community is so large now that we are definitely getting attention. There are plenty of gay TV shows, gay movies, gay books, and even gay TV show hosts. It’s a lot of exposure for the community but that doesn’t mean that the fight is over.

One Million Moms is still on the debate scene, as well as Westboro Baptist Church — not that anyone really takes them seriously. It’s something that you deal with as part of being gay.


We think it’s safe to say that we’ve made an impact, and we’ve hit some goals. But this is where a lot of people declare the battle over.

The battle isn’t over until all same-sex couples get the same rights as heterosexual couples. It’s not over until gays can adopt in all 50 states. It’s not over until gays can proudly and openly serve in the armed forces, regardless of branch and without fear of missing out on benefits or promotions, or losing the respect of their peers.

There’s a lot more ground to cover — until there aren’t gay teens that are committing suicide due to the pressure around them to be straight, we just aren’t finished yet.

Now, this isn’t a totally depressing post. There’s a lot to be proud of. There are many straight people that are supportive of the LBGT community, and that’s something worth applauding. However, for every straight person that supports us, it feels like there are three more that are going to Chik Fil A to protest gay rights and how traditional family values are the best way to go.

It’s a hard world to live in, but since it’s the only one we have, we have to do what we can, where we can…while we can. Hang in there!

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Does the Chik Fil A Flap Really Still Matter to the Gay Community

September 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about the Chik Fil A controversy. This is where the CEO of Chik Fil A, Dan Cathy, made a statement that he supported the biblical view of traditional marriage.

Cathy backtracked and reclarified himself, but the controversy match had already been struck, plunging the nation into a deep dialogue about gay rights, traditional marriage, and everything in between.

The publicity part has died down quite a bit, but does that mean anything? Absolutely not. It just means that we need to step back and really look at the world around us.


You see, just when you thought that people were tolerant because of Glee, Modern Family, and Ellen, you find that yes, people are more than happy to support a company that is giving money to groups that actively campaign and lobby against gay marriage and other rights being afforded to gay people.

This is still a big deal, gay teens. A huge deal. Even if you’re far, far away from getting married, you have to see it as a big deal. These people are actively considering your rights as a sin against the world itself, and they have no qualms about voting to make sure that you don’t have the same rights as them.

Maybe when you don’t have anyone trying to take things from you, you can declare the battle “finished”. But just because the reporters aren’t reporting about it doesn’t mean that the fight is over.

Chik Fil A took a beating for a time, but the news machine marches on and the company is peeking around to see if it still has supporters. There are plenty of people that boycotted Chik Fil A, but what about the ones that didn’t? What about the ones that still think that Cathy is actually in the right here?

More food for thought. For now, all you can do is educate the people around you. This isn’t just about free speech — it’s about a company that is giving money to people trying to take away your rights. That’s all there is to it.

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Can You Really Dream Of Being Married Someday

September 12, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Gay marriage is a pretty hot topic, especially outside of the gay community. It is seen as still something forbidden to gays, as it has its roots in religious marriage. Is that really the case, though?

The history of marriage is something that goes far beyond recorded history. Societies all over the world have some form of marriage — even to the point where polygyny is practiced. Marriage has been traditionally about regulating access to women within a tribe or social structure. To keep infighting to a minimum, women are “married off” or given to a man as a prize for skills that are beneficial to the tribe. The need to have a woman who can bear children has also been a hot button issue.


Quite frankly, is this what we want marriage boiled down to again? Traditions based on limited female power and stifling roles?

There are other countries that do indeed grant legal rights to same-sex couples. Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, and Sweden.

One argument given is that gay marriage threatens traditional marriage. Those 11 countries aren’t nations without their own religious grounds and beliefs, you know. If anyone thinks religion has no influence in Spain to this day, they’re not looking hard enough.

It’s not just about terminology — but the words we use do indeed hold power. If civil unions were made equal, that would be one thing. But why should one group enjoy numerous benefits to being “married”, while another group has to settle for a civil union that doesn’t have nearly as many benefits?

The world is changing, as it has through even religious history. For those that are leaning on their religion as grounds to be against gay marriage, is marriage still the same for your religious group as it was in ancient times? Chances are good that it’s not at all.

The number of countries that are even putting civil unions on the books is growing and growing — Andorra, Austria, Brazil, Colombia, Czech Republic, Ecuador, Finland, France, Germany, Greenland, Hungary, Ireland, the Isle of Man, Jersey, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, New Zealand, Slovenia, Switzerland, the United Kingdom, Uruguay. That’s a lot of countries!

Many residents of the United States claim that they are truly proud to be an American. Are gays suddenly not Americans? What happened to United We Stand?

Food for thought.

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Why Yes, Gay Bullying Still Matters!

July 30, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Some people have declared gay bullying a non-issue. While it would be tempting to toss names around and blame, we’re not going to take that road. Instead, we’re just going to give you our perspective. Long time fans of the site should already know, but hey — we never mind repeating ourselves on such a strong issue.

You see, bullying is something that affects everyone, and guess what — that doesn’t change when the target is a gay guy or gay girl. It makes it even worse because we’re so aware now of the discussion, and they are aware that the entire world is looking at them.


It’s not just about the mental effects of bullying — it’s the social effect as well. When you’ve been put down and put down and put down, you stop fighting. It’s very similar to a science experiment done with jumping fleas in a jar. If you trap fleas in there, they will try to jump out of the jar — even though they bump their heads. After a while though, they will stop fighting because they have been “taught” through their experiences that there’s no way out. They will eventually succumb to their environment and die, even if you were to unscrew the lid and try to set them free. Even seeing that the lid is no longer on the jar, they will not try to escape again — their will to fight has been stripped away.

While this might sound gruesome to some, it is an apt parallel to gay bullying. We’re looking at a nation of “fleas” that are getting very close to feeling like there’s no end in sight.

Some will argue that they are simply making an appeal to free speech. Is there a line to free speech? We have successfully demonized the actions of hate groups that have a racial focus — what about a sexual orientation focus?

The idea that it’s OK to demonize and speak out against gay youth merely on religious grounds — or to suggest that it can be “removed” through prayer is ridiculous. There’s just no other way to say it. It’s ridiculous, it’s hateful, and it sends our gay youth the message that as long as you can couch something in “beliefs”, it’s okay to use it against other people.

We all have to share this planet and until people truly get that, we are going to have to deal with gay bullying. We’re going to have to deal with gay suicide. We’re going to have to deal with gay teens feeling like they might as well lock themselves away from the world because no one will accept them.

This is not just an issue for gay people — it’s an issue for all people. Would you want someone to sit on the sidelines as you are mocked for your race, gender, or your background? Not at all. So why, as a nation, are we still so deeply divided on this issue?

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Break Up – Keep Going With Life as a Gay Teen

April 29, 2012 by Leave a Comment

Life as a teen is hard regardless of your sexual orientation, but the truth is that life as a gay teen is pretty rough. The relationship department can really throw you for a loop. One minute you feel like you’re with someone that truly understands you, the next minute you feel like everything is truly hopeless and you don’t know what to do with your life to make it better. There’s nothing that says that you have to figure out what’s going to happen for the next 50 years of your life right away — you’re still very young!

If you are going through a breakup as a gay teen, here’s a few things to think about as you try to put your life back together.


First and foremost, don’t give in to gossip. There’s always going to be gossip flying around you, and that’s not something that you can use to heal properly. You’ll always feel a little embarrassed because people around you will have seen you so happy, but when you break up you’re going to be sad. Allow yourself to take full ownership of your feelings. Allow yourself to really feel like you have things put together fine. Don’t give in to the feeling of having to explain yourself. Even if there was an explanation, is that really what you want your ex to hear?

Yes, that’s right — if you try to give in to gossip and explain yourself, the news will eventually get back to your ex. That’s just going to cause more arguments that you don’t need. Who really wants to go through that? Who really wants to feel like their ex is out in the streets talking about them behind their back?

Don’t be afraid to give yourself some time to sort out your feelings. If that means that you don’t see your ex, then that’s fine. You just need to do what’s right for you first.

There may even be some critics that will sue your break up as evidence that gay relationships don’t work. These are the last people that you should feel like you have to please. Don’t even believe that for a minute. Just because a gay relationship fails doesn’t mean that all of them will fail.

You might be tempted to cover up your emotions by having wild and crazy sex with another gay person but that’s not going to help you either. You will just need to make sure that you go into every situation by choice rather than feeling like this is the next thing that you should do. There’s no real time limit for “moving on” — for some people it takes mere days, others weeks and some even take months. There’s no right or wrong here, just the best roadmap to heal yourself!

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