Nervous To Come Back to School as an Openly Gay Teen – Don’t Be!

July 17, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Are you dreading going back to school? Does the idea of having to go back to school after coming out of the closet and admitting that you’re a gay teen scaring the daylights out of you? I don’t blame you at all for this level of fear. Every time you open a newspaper or check out online news, there’s another case of bullying. If straight kids are going through it, then you better believe that gay teens are going through it. We don’t say this to try to be ugly, but we are trying to tell you the truth around here. Being a gay teen is hard, but it’s not impossible. One of the top things that you need to do over the summer is develop your own mind. You might lose friends over it, but who cares?

You’re going to be doing the right thing for you, and that’s really what matters in the grand scheme of things. You cannot work on yourself without improving your self-esteem. When your self-esteem gets high enough, you stop caring so much what people think. In the grand scheme of things, what your high school buddies think about your attitude really doesn’t matter. Chances are good that everyone is going to eventually go their separate ways anyway. This means that they have no real bearing on your life. You’re going to have to get used to rejection in your life anyway. No matter how nice of a person you are, there’s going to be times where people aren’t going to like you.

Instead of focusing on the people that don’t like you, you should try focusing on the people that like you. If you step back and really look at your experience, you’ll find that it really isn’t so bad. There are plenty of people that probably love you, but it’s so hard to see them over the people that think you’re annoying, weird, or just plain hard to deal with.

The more that you focus on the good, the better your life becomes. It’s high time that you start seeing how good of a person you can really be. You don’t want to slide into a place where you think the worst of yourself. Deep down, there’s good inside of you. You just need to unleash it and experience it for yourself.

Hang out with people that get along with you. Don’t try to seek approval from people that are bullying you. They’re never, ever going to give it to you. I know it might sound odd, but trust us — we’ve been in high school before. It’s not easy for anyone, and everyone gets picked on at least once. Just because you don’t see everyone getting bullied doesn’t mean that it’s not happening. You just have to find your own path to happiness, and remember that what makes you happy doesn’t make everyone happy.

Of course, if you are being actively bullied, you need to get good documentation — start keeping a log of what’s going on. Involve as many school officials as possible. Keep up the pressure until you get treated better. You don’t have to embrace violence on anyone’s part — you just have to take care of yourself. Good luck and remember: you’re in school to get an education, so cherish the time that you have!

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Live Life Loud Without Censorship

April 23, 2013 By 1 Comment

Look, gay teens. It’s time for me to level with you here: I’ve seen a lot of quiet gays lately. I’m sick of it. I’m sick of other gays thinking that they can’t speak out. They feel closed off from the world. There’s too much gay suicide and yes, even one unnecessary death is one death too damn many.

You’re going to have to stand up for yourselves. Look at Dan Savage — is anybody going to tell him to get back in the closet? Hell no. It doesn’t get more out than Dan Savage. He’s harsh, but he’s often spot on. It’s time for you to grow a backbone, gay teen. We’ve tried to coddle you, nurture you, and cuddle you a little too much. That’s partially our fault but you’re going to have to eventually cut the cord. You can’t just sit there hoping that life is going to get better. Gay teens, you’re going to need to go out and make it better. Stand up to bullies. Call them out.

We have good news for you — the world is changing. More and more Americans alone are deciding that hey, letting gay people marry isn’t a bad thing. Illinois is making same sex marriage legal, and that’s a big step in the right direction. Even though Chicago is pretty liberal in many ways, the rest of the state isn’t. That means that we just scored a victory.

Oh yeah, turn on that TV. Glee? Still bringing in viewers, and not all of them are gay. That’s our show, folks. Modern Family? That’s our show. Ellen is coming out saying that her marriage to Portia di Rossi was one of the best things that she’s ever done. That’s one of our very own enjoying nationwide media coverage. It’s something that we need to focus on.

There’s plenty of things to be excited about. If you’re feeling glum about being gay, guess what? It’s time to realize your worth as a person.

You need to march up to that mirror, look at it and really decide what type of person you’re going to be. You have to choose to be happy, even when the chips are stacked against you.

Yes, there are going to be people that think you’re the devil because you love people from your own gender. SO be it. Yes, I said it — so be it. Look, you can’t 100% approval. Even if all 50 states make gay marriage legal someday, the reality is that people will still have negative opinions. You can’t control them, but you can always control you.

That’s not something that’s going to necessarily get us supportive mail, but try to see what we’re really trying to tell you. It gets better. You have to believe that — or the game’s lost. Don’t let their words make you lose the game. Your life matters. If you have to take back your life by realizing that you’re worth more than you can ever imagine, then you definitely need to take that road. There’s a vibrant life ahead of you, why not claim it?

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Is It Really Time for Gay Teens to Just Relax

April 12, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Trying to relax is something that just makes for a really rough time — especially if the top of gay rights are on your mind. Of course it’s on your mind as a gay teen. You can’t wake up in the morning without realizing that somewhere out there is someone that thinks that you don’t deserve the same rights they have because you’re gay. It’s a pretty hurtful thing, but you have to relax. Yes, that’s right — we’re telling you that you have to relax. It’s not straight privilege at all, but a reality — you can’t let everything get to you. The best thing that you can do is make sure that you are taking care of your loved ones, having fun and looking forward to the bright future ahead of you. Far too many gay teens end up seeing only the negative in the world, letting it eat away at them until they end up falling apart. That’s not the way to go at all. You need to make sure that you keep yourself grounded. Yes, there’s a lot of evil in the world…but there’s also a lot of good as well. What you have to do from here is make sure that you stay as balanced as possible.

Relax. Right now is a good time for gay teens. We’re looking better and better in the media. Ellen DeGeneres and other high profile gay people are leading the way. That should be enough to put a smile on your face. Commercials for things like Amazon’s Kindle display gay relationships in a positive, loving light. JCPenney, a very old and established corporation, did a lovely Mother’s Day / Father’s Day ad that highlighted same sex parents in a loving and positive life.

If we keep looking for reasons to be upset, we’re going to find ourselves with a lot of stress on our plates. It’s just not necessary anymore. You might as well just let it go and try to relax.

We’re not saying that the fight doesn’t matter. You better believe that it really does. But you have to realize that stress is something that eats away at everything it touches. That’s a hard pill to swallow when you really think about it. Why not check things out that will relax you? A hot bath, a good walk, and more time with friends seems to always give us something new to look forward to. Good luck!

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Do You Really Need to Disclose You’re Gay at Work

April 8, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Okay, gay teens — there’s a lot of ground to cover here. After all, you’re growing up and getting into a world that’s truly more gay friendly than ever. That’s not to say that we’ve won the war – not at all. The truth is that things are much more complicated than ever before, and it’s important to make sure that you’re thinking carefully about the type of life that you want to lead. Generally speaking, you want a great career, right? Does that mean that your gay identity has to stay locked away? Does that mean that you can’t mention that you’re gay at work?

The truth is that being gay isn’t something that you have to turn on and off. However, would we disclose our sexuality at work? Not at all. Why? It doesn’t have anything to do with business.

The reality is that businesses care about one thing: making money. If it helps them to give you health coverage for same sex domestic partners, then so be it. But they really don’t want to be in your bedroom, unless your bedroom is profitable for them. They want to make sure that you can show up to work, leave work on time (to avoid unnecessary overtime), and other issues of that nature. They want to make sure that you don’t contribute to a hostile working environment. Getting into fights with people that don’t see eye to eye with you on gay issues can be construed as contributing to a hostile work environment.

Remember our last post, where we said that you can’t just closed minds? We meant it. You really can’t change someone’s mind when they’re decided that they’re really not going to do what you need them to. They’re not going to do it, no matter how many times you wring your hands. You’re going to need to just push forward and hope for the best. That would be better than assuming that everyone is out to get you. Most people just aren’t concerned about what you do. They’re too busy trying to make sense of their own lives. It’s best not to turn your workplace into a battlefield. The reality is that you will never really know what your coworkers honestly think. Everyone is keeping on a mask at work.

If you’re thinking about going for promotions, this is even more of a reason not to say much of anything. You want them to really believe that you’re a team player that wouldn’t do anything to divide the team. Whenever you bring drama into the workplace, you’re proving that you’re not focused on providing the company value. You’re focused on being right. Sometimes, you’re just going to realize that you won’t be right in the eyes of other people. And that’s okay. They’re not going to be right all the time in your eyes. If you’re going for a promotion in order to rise higher in the company, you need to think about whether or not this is something that you can live with. If you feel that it’s a freedom issue, chances are good that you don’t want to work there at all.

Today’s workplace wants to be as neutral as possible — so discussions about personal choices really aren’t as welcome as you think they are. Just as they don’t want to hear about your gay boyfriend, they don’t want to hear about the secretary’s straight boyfriend either. Get the idea?

As long as they aren’t making insults towards you, it’s better to leave this subject out of the workplace. The only warning we would give is that if someone is giving you a hard time, don’t hesitate to go to HR. While they might not specifically roll out the red carpet for you as a gay person, you certainly don’t want to deal with being discriminated against. That’s just not cool at all, no matter who you are. Good luck and hang in there!

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Filing Taxes – Here’s a Few Things that You Need to Know as a Gay Couple

April 3, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Trying to figure out taxes is hard enough if you’re in a regular heterosexual relationship. However, what happens when you’re in a gay relationship that’s pretty serious? What happens when you get married in a state where gay marriage is legal? You need to understand what type of taxes you’re going to have to face. This doesn’t mean that it’s easy for you to figure all of this stuff out. The truth is that the federal government makes same sex marriage still illegal at the federal level. States, however, can decide for themselves whether to make same sex marriage legal or not.

If you live in a community property state, this is even more difficult. What you need to know is below, and we truly hope it helps.

First and foremost, you need to realize that if you are going to file federal tax returns, you cannot check “married” or “married filing separately”. You are not considered married for federal tax purposes.

You also cannot use the head of household filing status, unless you have more than one dependent who isn’t your same sex partner.

What about children? Qualifying children can really change a couple’s taxes. However, with same sex couples you cannot both claim the child on your income tax returns. The IRS will treat the child as the qualifying child of the parent that has the child for the longer period of time. If this is a “tie,” then the IRS will grant the child to the parent with the higher adjusted gross income (AGI).

There is some good here — you can itemize your deductions or claim the standard deduction. You’re not blocked by what your same sex partner actually decides to do. This is different from married couples in the eyes of the federal government, who cannot get a standard deduction if their partner claims the itemized deduction.

Another piece of good news — both members of a gay couple who adopt a child can get the adoption credit. The maximum credit for each adopted child is $13,360. You cannot exceed that maximum for any reason. There are special needs adoptions that relax the rules a bit, but you still need to make sure that you’re documenting as much as possible.

It can be difficult to navigate what’s “OK” and not OK in terms of taxation when you’re a gay couple. Since you lose many of the marriage-provided benefits that straight couples enjoy, you can expect to pay higher taxes. What a shame. Going with an accountant that has experience with gay couples is always a good thing. Check it out today!

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Treat Your Gay Partner to Something Nice During Tax Season

March 30, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Tax refunds coming in? We know the feeling. It’s exciting. If you already have your finances in order, there’s nothing wrong with splurging. There are just times where you need to show your partner that you really care for them, and this can be done by spending a little money. There’s nothing wrong with controlled spending as long as you’re willing to cut the spending when it’s time to go back to the normal way of living. There are so many different things that you can do to make your partner feel like you really care about them.

It’s all about knowing your partner. Do they like the little things in life that have meaning? You might want to go with a small gift. You might want to take them out to their favorite restaurant and just let them order whatever they want. That can make them feel pretty special.

We focus a lot of guides on what straight couples do, but the truth is that you can have good finances; good romance, and still be in a gay couple. It’s completely up to you to figure all of those details out.

It’s a lifestyle, people. One isn’t better than the other. That’s the whole point of equal rights — it gives us all an equal chance at having happiness. There’s no reason to think that you can’t spend any money together.

Of course, if you’re sharing finances now, you might want to make sure that you’re talking things out. You might want to do a lot of shopping once that tax refund check hits, but you have to step back and make sure that this is something that your partner really agrees with. Otherwise, you’re opening the door for another argument and that’s not the best way to take things further. You have to make sure that you’re thinking about both parties.

Your partner probably does want to spoil you too, so don’t be surprised if some of your favorite places come up into the conversation. There’s no reason to feel like it’s going to be a conflict just because you want to do some shopping.

Keep the conversation light and casual and you never know — there may be a way to get both of you something nice, when you really put your mind to it!

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Gay Couples Have a Bright Future To Think About

March 25, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Hey, boy… so we’re not Ryan Gosling or anything, but we have to tell you something, gay teens: it really does get better. 2012 was a hard year. People coming out to protest against gays? People feeling slighted by gays finally getting the right to marry in multiple US states? Say it ain’t so!

The truth is that we need this kind of hope. We need this kind of change. We need to believe that we’re going to have a life of our very own. You might not see that today — and that might be pushing you into a world of depression. You might be reading this after thinking all morning about just ending your own life.

Trust me, gay teen. It’s worth sticking around. You just don’t know what opportunities are going to reach you until you push forward and try.
Ellen is one of the most bankable celebrities in Hollywood. Try as they might, they cannot put her down. They can’t get rid of her. She has a humor that extends beyond just being gay. She’s a warm, funny, and kind hearted person that truly wants to change the world. Think about it — if Ellen had given up, we wouldn’t have her funny, and all of the people that she’s helped wouldn’t have received that help. It’s hard to think about it that way, but it’s true — you’re a lot more needed than you think.

Somewhere out there is someone that’s going to love you for who you’ve become. There’s someone that’s going to truly appreciate the person that you’ve grown up to be. There’s nothing wrong with waiting of the right person to come along. Society often tells us that we have to rush into these decisions, but what about taking some time for you?

2012 was a hard year, but it also had some good stuff. Modern Family? We’re all over that. Glee? A favorite. There were just so many amazing moments where one just had to look back and realize… this is all good stuff.

So if you’re in the middle of feeling sad and bleu because others around you are tearing into you about being gay, just remember something. You aren’t the one with the problem. It’s them with the problem. Normal people don’t seek to tear others down. They would rather either just avoid them, or build them up. We would do so much better as a society if we just kept our negative thoughts to ourselves.

Hang in there. Don’t give up – ever!

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Your First Family Visit After Coming Out!

March 21, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Now that you know have came out of the closet and admitted to the world that you’re gay, your work still isn’t done. Oh, you might think that it is but the truth is that there are a lot of other factors that you’re going to have to handle before you can really feel like you’re on the right track.

The reality here is clear: even though you might not want to admit it, you have to realize the effect your family ahs on your life. You might want to pretend like you don’t care what they think of you. And you know what? You might be part of the population that can really make a clean break with their family. However the reality is that there are a lot more people that really do need to make sure that they are following the family line, so to speak. We want our families to love and accept us. Sure, many families support their gay teens just fine. But there are plenty of other gay teens that live with a lot of shame and frustration. There’s a few things that we want to say when it comes to your first family visit after coming out that you should know about.

The first thing is that you need to make sure that you don’t set your expectations too high for the first visit. Remember that when you’ve been one thing for a while it can be hard for people to realize that you’ve changed…for the better. This is something that’s going to make you feel better on a lot of different levels. You need to come out and make sure that you’re living the life that you were meant to lead. A lot of people ignore this, only to find that they are really shooting themselves in the foot. It’s going to make a lot more sense to get this out of the way.

But you don’t want to assume that everyone is just going to welcome you with open arms. There’s a lot of anti-gay propaganda out there, and it tends to pull families apart. You want to still make sure that you give your family a chance to adjust. It’s something that they might find weird, merely because they don’t really know any gay people.

As an aside this is honestly why gay media matters. We want to expose the fact that gay life is normal life — just like straight life, just like swinger life, just like any other type of lifestyle you want to lead. It’s better to make sure that you can honestly get everything you want out of life. It’s your happiness on the lien. If your family isn’t going to support you, you need to figure out how long you want to wait for them to get the picture.

We don’t like eliminating or excluding our family. But the truth is that you might have to do that in order to keep your sanity.

Another point that we have to make here is that you shouldn’t confront them alone if you know there’s going to be a lot of conflict. It’s better to try to work things out peacefully.

If you are going to travel a long way, you might want to call and talk to your family ahead of time before coming. You don’t want to spend the money to go all the way there, only to be rejected. Even worse, if you’ve hoped that they would give you a place to stay while you visit them, you could find yourself out on the street until it’s time to fly or drive back home. Yikes!

Everyone’s family situation is going to be different. We’re not trying to be all gloom and doom here, but we are trying to tell you that it’s always a good time to think about the type of lifestyle that you honestly want to lead. We keep repeating this because it’s definitely true. You have to know what you’re willing to accept, and what you’re not willing to accept.

When you go to visit family, try not to make everything about you being gay. Remember that we want to come off as normal as possible. Even though you might feel that it’s not fair, you do need to make sure that you’re thinking carefully about how you come off. If you come off militant, your family might go on the defensive.

For families where religion is concerned, you need to keep the conversation open. Not all Christians think a certain way. Someone can be Christian and still support gays. However, you still want to make sure that nobody disrespects you in any way.

Coming out means taking responsibility of your life. Life is way too short to be a victim in any way, so stand up for yourself. Remember: nobody has to be in your life unless you allow them to be! Good luck!

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It’s a Great Year for Gay Dating

March 15, 2013 By Leave a Comment

OK, so we’re a little late. Happy New Year, and all that stuff. Now let’s get into something more exciting: gay dating. If you’ve been in a rut for a long time and you’re just not sure about getting back in the dating pool, we have one thing to say to you: just do it!

No, we’re not trying to mock classic advertising slogans. If you’re dreaming about Nikes, that’s your problem. We’re just here to remind you that the person looking back at you in the mirror is a worthy person, and somebody really craves a chance to date you. It might not seem that way — especially for our gay teen friends in small towns where it feels like you’re the only gay person around. Remember that you’re probably one of the few that have had the courage to stand up and draw attention to the fact that they are indeed gay. There could be dozens more that aren’t ready to come out yet. You should never force someone to come out in order to interact with you, but you can be part of their support system. That matters more than anything else in the world. You just need to make sure that you’re thinking about their happiness too — talk it out and see what stage they’re at. If you’re not where you want to be, seriously consider relocating. There are plenty of gay friendly places around that don’t cost nearly as much as you think. A bigger city can reveal more dating prospects.

If you’re stuck in a rut and you feel like you’re just never going to find the right person to settle down with, answer this: are you honestly looking for someone that’s worth being with? Are you looking for a real relationship, or just a sexual escapade to pass the time? Far too often teens confuse the two, and that’s not a good thing either. There is something to be said about waiting to see the relationship develop before you have sex with someone else.

You need to seriously consider dating again, because it has so many benefits. When you’re dating and you feel really good about a new person, it can feel like everything is right in the world. Sure, breaking up is painful but who says that the next relationship won’t last? You have control over that, as long as you don’t give up your control to someone else.

The more thought you put into your gay dating needs, the better off you will be.

Is online dating a good thing for gay teens? We think so, but you’re going to want to make sure that you are being as cautious as possible. Make sure that you are meeting in a public place with anyone that wants to see you. Just taking them back to your room could be dangerous — you just never know what anyone’s intentions really are. It could be something that’s really dangerous.

You still want to hold an online date to the same type of standers that you would expect from someone that you want to date in your very own town that you grew up around. You want kindness, understanding, respect, dedication and dignity. That’s something that everyone else wants. There’s no need to feel like it’s impossible to do what you really want in life. Everyone deserves love and affection.

It can feel like a long road to honestly find someone that’s worth going out with. Hate to break it to you, gay teens, but gay dating can be just as complicated as straight dating. Don’t think that just because we’re all gay here that there’s some magical fairy that will just put the right person into your path. You have to go out there and get to know people. Think about some similar interests that you might want to share with someone that. This is the key to finding what you honestly want. That’s the only way that you’re going to connect everything together. It’s tempting to just throw up your hands and say that you won’t be able to get what you truly desire. But you know what? Quitting doesn’t care about your sexual preference — can you really accept just closing the door on all of the possibilities?

Think about it. Good luck!

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Confronting an Anti Gay Family member In 2013

March 11, 2013 By Leave a Comment

Every year is filled with holidays, and most people like to go back home to spend time with their families. For many straight people, they take it for granted that they’re going to be able to do that. For many gay teens, there is no teary hometown reunion. Many parents refuse to accept their children after they’ve come out, so many gay teens hope that everything will just run smoothly. Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. What you must do is make sure that you are coming into your own holiday plans with the right attitude, especially if you plan on surprising your family in any way.

Maybe we’re being a little too negative. The truth is that for every outspoken loud family, there are a dozen quiet families that really do want to make sure that their gay children know that they are loved and cared for no matter what their sexual orientation happens to be. You have to believe in the good of people, after all. Unfortunately, this is being drowned out by all of the loud ones that hurt their children by disowning them, often cutting off financial support.

That type of cruelty makes our blood boil.

If you’re trying to confront an anti gay family member this year, so that they have to take stock of you… think about it before you do. The truth is that you can’t change everyone’s minds, and you’re going to be spending a lot of emotional energy. The outcome that we obviously want to see is them embracing you. However, do you really want to spend money on a plane ticket or pay for a full tank of gas to find out that they really didn’t care about you the way you think you should be cared for? That’s the hard pill that gay teens might have to swallow if they walk down this path.

You also have to realize that you can’t force them. No amount of campaigning can force a closed mind to open up and see. Some people are stubborn. It’s something that you’re going to really have to think about if you want to follow this path.

We might sound negative here, and that’s not our intent. We just want you to be aware that this isn’t automatically going to be the happy story that you’re looking for. You might have some pain involved. This might be something hard for you.

But if you really want to involve your family in your life, it might be something that you needed to do. If you’re going to walk down this road, try not to do it alone. You might want to involve your gay partner in this, or straight friends that form the bedrock of your own personal gay-straight alliance. It’s going to be completely up to you to figure out which step is going to be the best.

As much as we wish we could be there, we just can’t be. But we can give you all of the confidence and love possible to make better decisions. What choices you make from that point have to be your responsibility. But if you want our advice… don’t let them grind you down. If you’re out, you should still be out. If you let them make you feel inferior, you’re going to constantly be fighting for acceptance. Who needs that? If you can’t bring your family over to your way of thinking… maybe you should keep your distance. This is something that many gay teens struggle with. They really want to be good to the people around them, only to find that there’s no love lost between their parents and themselves. Letting go of family is a soul crushing decision that sometimes has to be made. At the end of the day, nobody is worth giving up your sanity. You have to remember that. Good luck!

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