Give Yourself Credit For Coming Out!

October 22, 2012 By Leave a Comment

One of the toughest things that you can do is come out — that is, explain to everyone around you that you’re gay, and that’s what makes you happy. Of course, in the era of Ellen being open and most of Hollywood being pretty gay, some feel that coming out is “no big deal anymore”.

That couldn’t be far from the case. We bet that some of you reading this right here, right now have never come out at all. That’s not something that we want you to feel like should be there. We want you to feel comfortable enough to come out to all of your friends and family, but life is what it’s going to be. Just because your immediate family are supportive doesn’t mean all of your friends will be. For some strange reason, a lot of straight people suddenly think that their newly-out friends are going to be hitting on them. Just as straight people don’t automatically hit on every straight person that catches their eye; gay people have the same level of discretion.


The best thing that you can do is try to give yourself a little credit for actually coming out. It’s a hard decision, and it’s not one that’s always celebrated. The more that you can do with the people around you that matter, the more impact that you have on the world.

Some feel that coming out isn’t necessary because there’s nothing to prove. While we can see their perspective, we also think that if gay is going to be an identity, why would you want to hide in the dark? A lot of people don’t apologize for being the way they are — why should you apologize for being gay? It’s not something that you woke up and chose. Why would anyone wake up and choose to be part of a group that people actively hate and wish death upon? Most people would try to avoid that if they could but it is what it is. We personally feel that nobody should ever hide in the closet, so to speak, in fear of what others will think. We should be free to love our friends and families, go to work, and have real lives. That’s not gay rights — that’s human rights.

You can’t change the Chik Fil A debate, and you can’t convince Fred Phelps that there’s nothing wrong with gay people. You can, however, be the gay person that you can fall in love with, because loving yourself first is the only thing that matters.

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Are We Still Hitting Our Goals As a Gay Community?

October 17, 2012 By Leave a Comment

One of the hardest things to do in the gay community is to actually think like a community. And that’s the good part of being a gay community, but it’s also an area where it’s easy to get concerned. You see, we have to look at goals as individuals, and we also have to look at goals as a community. Even if we stopped looking at ourselves as a community, outside groups would still lump us together.

So the question remains: are we hitting our goals as the gay community at large? That’s a tough question, but we think that the answer is a bit of a mixed bag.

You see, the community is so large now that we are definitely getting attention. There are plenty of gay TV shows, gay movies, gay books, and even gay TV show hosts. It’s a lot of exposure for the community but that doesn’t mean that the fight is over.

One Million Moms is still on the debate scene, as well as Westboro Baptist Church — not that anyone really takes them seriously. It’s something that you deal with as part of being gay.


We think it’s safe to say that we’ve made an impact, and we’ve hit some goals. But this is where a lot of people declare the battle over.

The battle isn’t over until all same-sex couples get the same rights as heterosexual couples. It’s not over until gays can adopt in all 50 states. It’s not over until gays can proudly and openly serve in the armed forces, regardless of branch and without fear of missing out on benefits or promotions, or losing the respect of their peers.

There’s a lot more ground to cover — until there aren’t gay teens that are committing suicide due to the pressure around them to be straight, we just aren’t finished yet.

Now, this isn’t a totally depressing post. There’s a lot to be proud of. There are many straight people that are supportive of the LBGT community, and that’s something worth applauding. However, for every straight person that supports us, it feels like there are three more that are going to Chik Fil A to protest gay rights and how traditional family values are the best way to go.

It’s a hard world to live in, but since it’s the only one we have, we have to do what we can, where we can…while we can. Hang in there!

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Does the Chik Fil A Flap Really Still Matter to the Gay Community

September 29, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard about the Chik Fil A controversy. This is where the CEO of Chik Fil A, Dan Cathy, made a statement that he supported the biblical view of traditional marriage.

Cathy backtracked and reclarified himself, but the controversy match had already been struck, plunging the nation into a deep dialogue about gay rights, traditional marriage, and everything in between.

The publicity part has died down quite a bit, but does that mean anything? Absolutely not. It just means that we need to step back and really look at the world around us.


You see, just when you thought that people were tolerant because of Glee, Modern Family, and Ellen, you find that yes, people are more than happy to support a company that is giving money to groups that actively campaign and lobby against gay marriage and other rights being afforded to gay people.

This is still a big deal, gay teens. A huge deal. Even if you’re far, far away from getting married, you have to see it as a big deal. These people are actively considering your rights as a sin against the world itself, and they have no qualms about voting to make sure that you don’t have the same rights as them.

Maybe when you don’t have anyone trying to take things from you, you can declare the battle “finished”. But just because the reporters aren’t reporting about it doesn’t mean that the fight is over.

Chik Fil A took a beating for a time, but the news machine marches on and the company is peeking around to see if it still has supporters. There are plenty of people that boycotted Chik Fil A, but what about the ones that didn’t? What about the ones that still think that Cathy is actually in the right here?

More food for thought. For now, all you can do is educate the people around you. This isn’t just about free speech — it’s about a company that is giving money to people trying to take away your rights. That’s all there is to it.

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Can You Really Dream Of Being Married Someday

September 12, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Gay marriage is a pretty hot topic, especially outside of the gay community. It is seen as still something forbidden to gays, as it has its roots in religious marriage. Is that really the case, though?

The history of marriage is something that goes far beyond recorded history. Societies all over the world have some form of marriage — even to the point where polygyny is practiced. Marriage has been traditionally about regulating access to women within a tribe or social structure. To keep infighting to a minimum, women are “married off” or given to a man as a prize for skills that are beneficial to the tribe. The need to have a woman who can bear children has also been a hot button issue.


Quite frankly, is this what we want marriage boiled down to again? Traditions based on limited female power and stifling roles?

There are other countries that do indeed grant legal rights to same-sex couples. Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Denmark, Iceland, Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, and Sweden.

One argument given is that gay marriage threatens traditional marriage. Those 11 countries aren’t nations without their own religious grounds and beliefs, you know. If anyone thinks religion has no influence in Spain to this day, they’re not looking hard enough.

It’s not just about terminology — but the words we use do indeed hold power. If civil unions were made equal, that would be one thing. But why should one group enjoy numerous benefits to being “married”, while another group has to settle for a civil union that doesn’t have nearly as many benefits?

The world is changing, as it has through even religious history. For those that are leaning on their religion as grounds to be against gay marriage, is marriage still the same for your religious group as it was in ancient times? Chances are good that it’s not at all.

The number of countries that are even putting civil unions on the books is growing and growing — Andorra, Austria, Brazil, Colombia, Czech Republic, Ecuador, Finland, France, Germany, Greenland, Hungary, Ireland, the Isle of Man, Jersey, Liechtenstein, Luxembourg, New Zealand, Slovenia, Switzerland, the United Kingdom, Uruguay. That’s a lot of countries!

Many residents of the United States claim that they are truly proud to be an American. Are gays suddenly not Americans? What happened to United We Stand?

Food for thought.

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Top African American LBGT’s

August 19, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We try to include as much as we can from all across the LGBT spectrum, so why not a listing of some amazing black LGBT icons? They are truly world influencers and have put their own stamp on what it means to be gay and black at the same time.

1. Carolyn Mobley


Here is an interesting example of Christian mercy in motion. Carolyn Mobley was the first woman to co-chair the African-American Lesbian/Gay Alliance — it’s a smaller part of the National Coalition of Black Lesbians and Gays. She was actually raised as a devout Christian, but get this…her church condoned her sexuality even though she was a Christian educator. The organization she served bridged the gap between the civil rights movement and the LGBT movement. Powerful!

2. Lorraine Hansberry


A lot of people were very shocked to find that yes, Lorraine Hansberry was indeed part of the LGBT community. She is the playwright and civil rights activist who wrote A Raisin in the Sun and gained immense popularity.

3. Josephine Baker


Red hot and wild in her heyday, Josephine Baker had it all — actor, singer, dancer, and all around entertainer. She fled to France in order to have more opportunities, but it didn’t stop her from becoming a worldwide sensation.

4. Sheryl Swoopes


A true LGBT icon in the sports world — she was the first woman that signed with the WBNA and paved the way for others to come after her. She has also won three Olympic gold medals and is an outspoken advocate of higher pay for female athletes around the sports world.

5. Wanda Sykes


While Ms. Sykes has only been openly gay in the media for a few years, she’s been a media darling for much longer than that. She is a stand up comedienne and an all around funny woman.

6. Andre Leon Talley


If you haven’t checked out Andre Leon Talley or know who he is, no problem! He is a top fashion icon in the industry, a man who has been a key part of Vogue and other fashion portals for many years. He is consulted, admired, and carries his own sense of style in a really big way. In his own way, he is also a spokesperson for the healthy at any size movement, given his proportions. He proves that you don’t have to be thin in order to be…well, fabulous!

Gays of color should have their own role models, because it can be hard to look into a community and not see anyone that looks like you. The black community has traditionally been very conservative and religious, which hasn’t always meant a lot of tolerance for its black gay youth and young adults. The tide is changing though, thanks to the stylish, powerful, and influential black LGBT’s of the past, present, and most certainly the future.

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Why Yes, Gay Bullying Still Matters!

July 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Some people have declared gay bullying a non-issue. While it would be tempting to toss names around and blame, we’re not going to take that road. Instead, we’re just going to give you our perspective. Long time fans of the site should already know, but hey — we never mind repeating ourselves on such a strong issue.

You see, bullying is something that affects everyone, and guess what — that doesn’t change when the target is a gay guy or gay girl. It makes it even worse because we’re so aware now of the discussion, and they are aware that the entire world is looking at them.


It’s not just about the mental effects of bullying — it’s the social effect as well. When you’ve been put down and put down and put down, you stop fighting. It’s very similar to a science experiment done with jumping fleas in a jar. If you trap fleas in there, they will try to jump out of the jar — even though they bump their heads. After a while though, they will stop fighting because they have been “taught” through their experiences that there’s no way out. They will eventually succumb to their environment and die, even if you were to unscrew the lid and try to set them free. Even seeing that the lid is no longer on the jar, they will not try to escape again — their will to fight has been stripped away.

While this might sound gruesome to some, it is an apt parallel to gay bullying. We’re looking at a nation of “fleas” that are getting very close to feeling like there’s no end in sight.

Some will argue that they are simply making an appeal to free speech. Is there a line to free speech? We have successfully demonized the actions of hate groups that have a racial focus — what about a sexual orientation focus?

The idea that it’s OK to demonize and speak out against gay youth merely on religious grounds — or to suggest that it can be “removed” through prayer is ridiculous. There’s just no other way to say it. It’s ridiculous, it’s hateful, and it sends our gay youth the message that as long as you can couch something in “beliefs”, it’s okay to use it against other people.

We all have to share this planet and until people truly get that, we are going to have to deal with gay bullying. We’re going to have to deal with gay suicide. We’re going to have to deal with gay teens feeling like they might as well lock themselves away from the world because no one will accept them.

This is not just an issue for gay people — it’s an issue for all people. Would you want someone to sit on the sidelines as you are mocked for your race, gender, or your background? Not at all. So why, as a nation, are we still so deeply divided on this issue?

Filed Under: Gay Teen Tagged With:

Famous Gays You Need to Check Out, Part 1

July 4, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We like to highlight famous and influential people in the LGBT community for a few different reasons. The biggest reason is that many gay teens feel alone, as if they are the only people out there that have these feelings. You’re not alone, and there are plenty of people that feel the same way you do. The more you realize that, the better you’ll feel about coming out as a gay teen or young adult.

Here’s the list.

1. Andy Cohen


Andy Cohen is a television executive, widely known for his work with the Bravo cable television network. He hosts Watch What Happens Live, a show that millions of people tune into every night.

Cohen is also a recurring commentator on CNN and he’s even co-hosted Live with Regis & Kelly.

2. Tila Tequila


Say what you want about Tila, she definitely knows how to get around in the world. She is a force to be reckoned with! She became the first Asian woman Playboy cover model.

She’s had a hit reality TV show — A Shot at Love with Tila Tequila, and she’s true MySpace royalty.

She is open about her bisexual life, including being supportive of her now deceased partner, Casey Johnson.

3. Bryan Singer


Bryan Singer is definitely gay, definitely famous, and definitely focused on a bright and shining career! He is a huge comic book fan who is behind X-Men and X2. He’s a Jewish New Yorker as well, and has been proud to come out as a gay man. He’s also behind popular TV series as House MD and is also backing Superman Returns and Logan’s Run.

4. Neil Patrick Harris

How can we have a listing of gay celebs without covering Neil Patrick Harris? He is absolutely adorable and a total nerd! He is an actor famous for a lot of different roles, including Dougie Howser, M.D and his role in Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle.

He’s hosted the Emmy Awards and has no plans of slowing down at all.

5. Portia de Rossi


The incredibly hot wife of Ellen DeGeneres has an acting career in her own right. She was a force to be reckoned with on Ally McBeal, and she is also a well known and recognized spokesperson.

There are a lot of great gay celebrities out there, and we’re not done showcasing them yet — consider this a five part series designed to put a smile on your face. Remember, you are definitely not alone!

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Mythbusting Time – You Can Be Young, Gay, and Healthy!

June 30, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We hate myths online, especially when we know that today’s curious gay youth are going to be looking at things in a completely different manner than the older generation of gays would. You have to make sure that you keep your own personal corner of the world bright, because there are people that will try to take things away from you. There are indeed people that will try to ruin your day. You have to fight back against them because they don’t matter in the long run.

One of the top myths that are going around right now is that you can’t be healthy as a gay teen or young adult — that there are just too many things out there geared to making you sick.

The statistics just aren’t there. It is quite possible to live a long and healthy life as a gay teen — there are gay people in their 80′s and 90′s as well!

Their secret? They didn’t focus on “gay health” — just health. That’s something that we can all get behind, right? So if you’re a young gay teen trying to figure out how to actually stay healthy, here’s a few more tips for you to do that.


First and foremost, you’re going to want to step away from processed food. The facts on GMO (genetically modified organisms) in our food are sketchy, but more evidence is coming out that we may need to be concerned. Instead of panicking, it’s better to make sure that you choose foods that are local to you that grow in season.

You may also have food intolerances that you haven’t even guessed about. For example, you might be lactose intolerant. Think about how you feel after you eat certain foods. Going on an elimination diet can help you pinpoint foods that make you feel great, and foods that don’t. If you remove dairy and find that adding it back causes stomach upset and bloating, then you have identified something that shouldn’t be part of your diet.

Not every allergy test will necessarily show that you have this food intolerance — but if you really start learning how to listen to your body, you can fight this.

Another point that you want to think about is getting regular exercise. Not exercising is something that has led to a host of new world diseases that many of our ancestry groups just didn’t have. Being able to get back in shape can be hard, especially if you’re seriously overweight. This is where a doctor can step in and build you a good program. Always get your blood work checked by a doctor before you start any type of program, especially a high intensity one. You don’t want to put more stress and strain on your body just in the name of weight loss.

Another area that you need to handle is your stress level as well as your sleep. We’re not saying that you have to give up on everything you love and go be a hermit in the woods, but there is something to be said about actually giving your body the rest and relaxation that it needs. Getting yourself in a better mood is also a must — do what makes you happy. Tuning out the opinions of people that don’t even like you is a much needed skill in today’s world, where everyone feels they have the right to tell you what to do with your life — even when they don’t even know you!

Take it easy, and you’ll be just fine — we promise!

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What Oreo’s Gay-Friendly Facebook Post About Pride Really Means for Today’s Gay Youth

June 27, 2012 By Leave a Comment

We’re angry today. You see, on the 25th of June Oreo made a statement on their Facebook page about Gay Pride and how love has no limits. That’s the real message that they were trying to present. We really liked the rainbow cookie design as well — it was crisp, it was bold, and it was perfect.

This has to be one of our favorite messages from a big company, right up there with JCPenney’s gay-friendly Father’s Day ad — very nice. They also did a gay-friendly Mother’s Day ad as well.

Still, the commentary on the Facebook post in question heated up. Many with feelings against the gay movement made their feelings known, including wanting to boycott Oreo and Kraft in general.

The idea of boycotting such a large company is honestly laughable. If you were to boycott Kraft, there are early 50 other brands that you would also need to skip in your day to day shopping. Yes, we have other issues with Kraft Foods but today, it’s just time to reflect on what this means for the gay community.


Gay teens and young adults need big companies like Kraft to talk about the movement. They need to know that what they are going through is normal. They need to know that it is quite possible to really be able to live a normal, healthy life and not worry about anything else than their own happiness.

We’re not saying that anti-gay commenters don’t have a right to their opinion. This is a free world where opinions can go both ways. America was built on free speech — but hate speech is different. You can express yourself without putting down another person. Gays have heard it all at this point, and it’s no surprise that they’re tired of being told to be quiet.

More companies are going to come out with their own Pride friendly slogans and messages for multiple reasons.

One reason is that the “gay dollar” is growing in power as well. Businesses have their agenda, let’s be honest: gays are buying and they have spending power. Upsetting such a large and growing segment of the population that is moving up in terms of status, income, and representation is a bad idea.

It’s not just pleasing gays — but also supporters of the gay movement. We are proud that our straight friends support our right to be happy, to be in love, and to be free as humans. Companies know that if they go against the gay movement too much longer, they’re going to lose straight customers.

Many of the comments were very hurtful, but they are very typical. So in the end, what does this really mean for the gay community? It simply means that you must look closely at what people really say…and ignore every last bit of it.

We’re serious. There’s no reason to let anti-gay comments stick to you. You might feel scared and alone out there, but you’re not. Don’t focus on the negative comments — focus on all of the great comments that came through the page. Focus on the number of shares that the post in question had. That’s the best way to face this head on. Don’t be afraid — you’re surrounded by more love than you can possibly imagine!

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How Do Same-Sex Couples Treat Their Tax Returns

May 11, 2012 By Leave a Comment

Trying to plan for a same sex partnership is already difficult, but the pressure of tax season makes it even worse. As much as you love being with your partner, you probably have a hard time dealing with the trouble brewing around your income taxes. Even if you live in a state that recognizes same sex marriage or domestic partnership, you will still have to deal with federal tax issues. The state tax returns are based off of federal tax return information. And thanks to the 1996 Defense of Marriage Act (DOMA), the government does not recognize same-sex marriage nationwide, and neither does the IRS. So this means that couples cannot file jointly, which is definitely making tax life complicated. Same sex couples have to shell out a lot more money to be protected, which takes away money from the shared household.

And community property states mean even more complications. Many couples fear their returns being rejected because all of the numbers don’t match up all of the time. The preparer has to use a mock joint federal tax return, then use the “mock” return to prepare a joint state tax return. There’s still the danger of things being rejected, but it’s a risk many couples just have to take.


Refunds are also not very quick. Most same sex couples have to file paper returns, which slows down their refund dramatically — some couples have even had to wait nearly 10 months just to get their return. That’s a very long time, and it can really add up when you’re trying to really get bigger things done in your life.

Everything seems higher — health insurance costs, tax preparer costs, and the time that you have to wait for your refund. However, there are some light at the end of the tunnel. This is a problem that’s spiraling out of control, and many advocacy groups are now fighting hard for change sin tax legislation. So there could come a day where taxes flow as smoothly as they do for heterosexual married couples.

Is it possible? Yes. Will change come slowly? It often does. Hang in there!

Filed Under: Finances Tagged With:
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