Filing Taxes – Here’s a Few Things that You Need to Know as a Gay Couple

April 3, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Trying to figure out taxes is hard enough if you’re in a regular heterosexual relationship. However, what happens when you’re in a gay relationship that’s pretty serious? What happens when you get married in a state where gay marriage is legal? You need to understand what type of taxes you’re going to have to face. This doesn’t mean that it’s easy for you to figure all of this stuff out. The truth is that the federal government makes same sex marriage still illegal at the federal level. States, however, can decide for themselves whether to make same sex marriage legal or not.

If you live in a community property state, this is even more difficult. What you need to know is below, and we truly hope it helps.

First and foremost, you need to realize that if you are going to file federal tax returns, you cannot check “married” or “married filing separately”. You are not considered married for federal tax purposes.

You also cannot use the head of household filing status, unless you have more than one dependent who isn’t your same sex partner.

What about children? Qualifying children can really change a couple’s taxes. However, with same sex couples you cannot both claim the child on your income tax returns. The IRS will treat the child as the qualifying child of the parent that has the child for the longer period of time. If this is a “tie,” then the IRS will grant the child to the parent with the higher adjusted gross income (AGI).

There is some good here — you can itemize your deductions or claim the standard deduction. You’re not blocked by what your same sex partner actually decides to do. This is different from married couples in the eyes of the federal government, who cannot get a standard deduction if their partner claims the itemized deduction.

Another piece of good news — both members of a gay couple who adopt a child can get the adoption credit. The maximum credit for each adopted child is $13,360. You cannot exceed that maximum for any reason. There are special needs adoptions that relax the rules a bit, but you still need to make sure that you’re documenting as much as possible.

It can be difficult to navigate what’s “OK” and not OK in terms of taxation when you’re a gay couple. Since you lose many of the marriage-provided benefits that straight couples enjoy, you can expect to pay higher taxes. What a shame. Going with an accountant that has experience with gay couples is always a good thing. Check it out today!

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Treat Your Gay Partner to Something Nice During Tax Season

March 30, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Tax refunds coming in? We know the feeling. It’s exciting. If you already have your finances in order, there’s nothing wrong with splurging. There are just times where you need to show your partner that you really care for them, and this can be done by spending a little money. There’s nothing wrong with controlled spending as long as you’re willing to cut the spending when it’s time to go back to the normal way of living. There are so many different things that you can do to make your partner feel like you really care about them.

It’s all about knowing your partner. Do they like the little things in life that have meaning? You might want to go with a small gift. You might want to take them out to their favorite restaurant and just let them order whatever they want. That can make them feel pretty special.

We focus a lot of guides on what straight couples do, but the truth is that you can have good finances; good romance, and still be in a gay couple. It’s completely up to you to figure all of those details out.

It’s a lifestyle, people. One isn’t better than the other. That’s the whole point of equal rights — it gives us all an equal chance at having happiness. There’s no reason to think that you can’t spend any money together.

Of course, if you’re sharing finances now, you might want to make sure that you’re talking things out. You might want to do a lot of shopping once that tax refund check hits, but you have to step back and make sure that this is something that your partner really agrees with. Otherwise, you’re opening the door for another argument and that’s not the best way to take things further. You have to make sure that you’re thinking about both parties.

Your partner probably does want to spoil you too, so don’t be surprised if some of your favorite places come up into the conversation. There’s no reason to feel like it’s going to be a conflict just because you want to do some shopping.

Keep the conversation light and casual and you never know — there may be a way to get both of you something nice, when you really put your mind to it!

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Gay Couples Have a Bright Future To Think About

March 25, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Hey, boy… so we’re not Ryan Gosling or anything, but we have to tell you something, gay teens: it really does get better. 2012 was a hard year. People coming out to protest against gays? People feeling slighted by gays finally getting the right to marry in multiple US states? Say it ain’t so!

The truth is that we need this kind of hope. We need this kind of change. We need to believe that we’re going to have a life of our very own. You might not see that today — and that might be pushing you into a world of depression. You might be reading this after thinking all morning about just ending your own life.

Trust me, gay teen. It’s worth sticking around. You just don’t know what opportunities are going to reach you until you push forward and try.
Ellen is one of the most bankable celebrities in Hollywood. Try as they might, they cannot put her down. They can’t get rid of her. She has a humor that extends beyond just being gay. She’s a warm, funny, and kind hearted person that truly wants to change the world. Think about it — if Ellen had given up, we wouldn’t have her funny, and all of the people that she’s helped wouldn’t have received that help. It’s hard to think about it that way, but it’s true — you’re a lot more needed than you think.

Somewhere out there is someone that’s going to love you for who you’ve become. There’s someone that’s going to truly appreciate the person that you’ve grown up to be. There’s nothing wrong with waiting of the right person to come along. Society often tells us that we have to rush into these decisions, but what about taking some time for you?

2012 was a hard year, but it also had some good stuff. Modern Family? We’re all over that. Glee? A favorite. There were just so many amazing moments where one just had to look back and realize… this is all good stuff.

So if you’re in the middle of feeling sad and bleu because others around you are tearing into you about being gay, just remember something. You aren’t the one with the problem. It’s them with the problem. Normal people don’t seek to tear others down. They would rather either just avoid them, or build them up. We would do so much better as a society if we just kept our negative thoughts to ourselves.

Hang in there. Don’t give up – ever!

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Your First Family Visit After Coming Out!

March 21, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Now that you know have came out of the closet and admitted to the world that you’re gay, your work still isn’t done. Oh, you might think that it is but the truth is that there are a lot of other factors that you’re going to have to handle before you can really feel like you’re on the right track.

The reality here is clear: even though you might not want to admit it, you have to realize the effect your family ahs on your life. You might want to pretend like you don’t care what they think of you. And you know what? You might be part of the population that can really make a clean break with their family. However the reality is that there are a lot more people that really do need to make sure that they are following the family line, so to speak. We want our families to love and accept us. Sure, many families support their gay teens just fine. But there are plenty of other gay teens that live with a lot of shame and frustration. There’s a few things that we want to say when it comes to your first family visit after coming out that you should know about.

The first thing is that you need to make sure that you don’t set your expectations too high for the first visit. Remember that when you’ve been one thing for a while it can be hard for people to realize that you’ve changed…for the better. This is something that’s going to make you feel better on a lot of different levels. You need to come out and make sure that you’re living the life that you were meant to lead. A lot of people ignore this, only to find that they are really shooting themselves in the foot. It’s going to make a lot more sense to get this out of the way.

But you don’t want to assume that everyone is just going to welcome you with open arms. There’s a lot of anti-gay propaganda out there, and it tends to pull families apart. You want to still make sure that you give your family a chance to adjust. It’s something that they might find weird, merely because they don’t really know any gay people.

As an aside this is honestly why gay media matters. We want to expose the fact that gay life is normal life — just like straight life, just like swinger life, just like any other type of lifestyle you want to lead. It’s better to make sure that you can honestly get everything you want out of life. It’s your happiness on the lien. If your family isn’t going to support you, you need to figure out how long you want to wait for them to get the picture.

We don’t like eliminating or excluding our family. But the truth is that you might have to do that in order to keep your sanity.

Another point that we have to make here is that you shouldn’t confront them alone if you know there’s going to be a lot of conflict. It’s better to try to work things out peacefully.

If you are going to travel a long way, you might want to call and talk to your family ahead of time before coming. You don’t want to spend the money to go all the way there, only to be rejected. Even worse, if you’ve hoped that they would give you a place to stay while you visit them, you could find yourself out on the street until it’s time to fly or drive back home. Yikes!

Everyone’s family situation is going to be different. We’re not trying to be all gloom and doom here, but we are trying to tell you that it’s always a good time to think about the type of lifestyle that you honestly want to lead. We keep repeating this because it’s definitely true. You have to know what you’re willing to accept, and what you’re not willing to accept.

When you go to visit family, try not to make everything about you being gay. Remember that we want to come off as normal as possible. Even though you might feel that it’s not fair, you do need to make sure that you’re thinking carefully about how you come off. If you come off militant, your family might go on the defensive.

For families where religion is concerned, you need to keep the conversation open. Not all Christians think a certain way. Someone can be Christian and still support gays. However, you still want to make sure that nobody disrespects you in any way.

Coming out means taking responsibility of your life. Life is way too short to be a victim in any way, so stand up for yourself. Remember: nobody has to be in your life unless you allow them to be! Good luck!

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It’s a Great Year for Gay Dating

March 15, 2013 by Leave a Comment

OK, so we’re a little late. Happy New Year, and all that stuff. Now let’s get into something more exciting: gay dating. If you’ve been in a rut for a long time and you’re just not sure about getting back in the dating pool, we have one thing to say to you: just do it!

No, we’re not trying to mock classic advertising slogans. If you’re dreaming about Nikes, that’s your problem. We’re just here to remind you that the person looking back at you in the mirror is a worthy person, and somebody really craves a chance to date you. It might not seem that way — especially for our gay teen friends in small towns where it feels like you’re the only gay person around. Remember that you’re probably one of the few that have had the courage to stand up and draw attention to the fact that they are indeed gay. There could be dozens more that aren’t ready to come out yet. You should never force someone to come out in order to interact with you, but you can be part of their support system. That matters more than anything else in the world. You just need to make sure that you’re thinking about their happiness too — talk it out and see what stage they’re at. If you’re not where you want to be, seriously consider relocating. There are plenty of gay friendly places around that don’t cost nearly as much as you think. A bigger city can reveal more dating prospects.

If you’re stuck in a rut and you feel like you’re just never going to find the right person to settle down with, answer this: are you honestly looking for someone that’s worth being with? Are you looking for a real relationship, or just a sexual escapade to pass the time? Far too often teens confuse the two, and that’s not a good thing either. There is something to be said about waiting to see the relationship develop before you have sex with someone else.

You need to seriously consider dating again, because it has so many benefits. When you’re dating and you feel really good about a new person, it can feel like everything is right in the world. Sure, breaking up is painful but who says that the next relationship won’t last? You have control over that, as long as you don’t give up your control to someone else.

The more thought you put into your gay dating needs, the better off you will be.

Is online dating a good thing for gay teens? We think so, but you’re going to want to make sure that you are being as cautious as possible. Make sure that you are meeting in a public place with anyone that wants to see you. Just taking them back to your room could be dangerous — you just never know what anyone’s intentions really are. It could be something that’s really dangerous.

You still want to hold an online date to the same type of standers that you would expect from someone that you want to date in your very own town that you grew up around. You want kindness, understanding, respect, dedication and dignity. That’s something that everyone else wants. There’s no need to feel like it’s impossible to do what you really want in life. Everyone deserves love and affection.

It can feel like a long road to honestly find someone that’s worth going out with. Hate to break it to you, gay teens, but gay dating can be just as complicated as straight dating. Don’t think that just because we’re all gay here that there’s some magical fairy that will just put the right person into your path. You have to go out there and get to know people. Think about some similar interests that you might want to share with someone that. This is the key to finding what you honestly want. That’s the only way that you’re going to connect everything together. It’s tempting to just throw up your hands and say that you won’t be able to get what you truly desire. But you know what? Quitting doesn’t care about your sexual preference — can you really accept just closing the door on all of the possibilities?

Think about it. Good luck!

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Confronting an Anti Gay Family member In 2013

March 11, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Every year is filled with holidays, and most people like to go back home to spend time with their families. For many straight people, they take it for granted that they’re going to be able to do that. For many gay teens, there is no teary hometown reunion. Many parents refuse to accept their children after they’ve come out, so many gay teens hope that everything will just run smoothly. Unfortunately, it’s not always that simple. What you must do is make sure that you are coming into your own holiday plans with the right attitude, especially if you plan on surprising your family in any way.

Maybe we’re being a little too negative. The truth is that for every outspoken loud family, there are a dozen quiet families that really do want to make sure that their gay children know that they are loved and cared for no matter what their sexual orientation happens to be. You have to believe in the good of people, after all. Unfortunately, this is being drowned out by all of the loud ones that hurt their children by disowning them, often cutting off financial support.

That type of cruelty makes our blood boil.

If you’re trying to confront an anti gay family member this year, so that they have to take stock of you… think about it before you do. The truth is that you can’t change everyone’s minds, and you’re going to be spending a lot of emotional energy. The outcome that we obviously want to see is them embracing you. However, do you really want to spend money on a plane ticket or pay for a full tank of gas to find out that they really didn’t care about you the way you think you should be cared for? That’s the hard pill that gay teens might have to swallow if they walk down this path.

You also have to realize that you can’t force them. No amount of campaigning can force a closed mind to open up and see. Some people are stubborn. It’s something that you’re going to really have to think about if you want to follow this path.

We might sound negative here, and that’s not our intent. We just want you to be aware that this isn’t automatically going to be the happy story that you’re looking for. You might have some pain involved. This might be something hard for you.

But if you really want to involve your family in your life, it might be something that you needed to do. If you’re going to walk down this road, try not to do it alone. You might want to involve your gay partner in this, or straight friends that form the bedrock of your own personal gay-straight alliance. It’s going to be completely up to you to figure out which step is going to be the best.

As much as we wish we could be there, we just can’t be. But we can give you all of the confidence and love possible to make better decisions. What choices you make from that point have to be your responsibility. But if you want our advice… don’t let them grind you down. If you’re out, you should still be out. If you let them make you feel inferior, you’re going to constantly be fighting for acceptance. Who needs that? If you can’t bring your family over to your way of thinking… maybe you should keep your distance. This is something that many gay teens struggle with. They really want to be good to the people around them, only to find that there’s no love lost between their parents and themselves. Letting go of family is a soul crushing decision that sometimes has to be made. At the end of the day, nobody is worth giving up your sanity. You have to remember that. Good luck!

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Would You Feel Better Going to an All Gay College?

February 14, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Last time we talked, we discussed whether or not you would feel better in an all gay community. So let’s talk about something a little more specific — an all gay college. Now then, let’s be honest — this probably will not happen anytime soon. You need to be able to work through your own issues and blend into the crowd. Your place of employment is not going to be all gay, so it might be a culture shock to go from an all gay college to a mixed-orientation place of employment.

But we’re just speculating, so let’s go back on topic for a little bit. What about going to an all gay school? There would be some benefits. For one, gay history would be emphasized. We need to connect with our heroes, past and present. That’s never a bad thing. We would realize all of the contributions that gays have made to the sciences, to history, to math, to sociology and psychology…everything. Gays are truly part of the fabric of our lives, and that’s not a modern belief — it’s true. Facts are facts. Alan Turing was completely gay and he is the father of modern day computing. So you wouldn’t even be able to read this if it weren’t for Mr. Turing. Turing test, anyone?

Now then, would there be complete harmony and peace? Not a chance! There are still conflicts amongst gay people. That’s like assuming that there wouldn’t be conflicts if we were all straight. People are people, and they still have the same emotions as everyone else. You will still have conflicts to navigate as a gay person; they will just be different conflicts.

There would be more acceptance though on the whole. You would get people that would welcome you and understand that you’re gay — and that’s fine, because they are too. You may get bisexual people in the mix, poly people in the mix… it’s going to be up to you to be inclusive as well. A lot of gay teens expect monogamy, while others aren’t into that. They still deserve your respect. Would you really want someone to put you down? It’s important not to slip and assume that we all have to be bullies and mean spirited just because the world has been unkind to us.

This is the perfect time to start thinking about how you can show more love in the world. We tend to get back what we reflect, you know!

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Would An All-Gay Environment Really Be Better

February 11, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Here’s something you might not have thought about recently — what about an all gay environment? Yes, we’re being hypothetical here. It’s okay to dream and debate a few things that may never happen. Of course, if you have big dreams of building a community that’s nothing but gay people and their biggest supporters, then let’s see how well that would work out.

First and foremost, would an all gay environment magically solve all of the problems that you’re facing? Probably not. You see, you’re still going to have to deal with people being people. Gay or straight, there are just some behaviors that humans get into. You will still face fear, jealousy, envy, anger, sadness, loneliness, clique behavior…the list goes on and on. The trouble with Utopias is that in real life, they don’t work out. Someone will feel envy, someone will just not be able to deal with someone else. There is always a little trouble to be expected in a group. The media portrayal of all gays being catfighting maniacs is ridiculous, but the reality here is that the opposite is also ridiculous.

You cannot just assume that just because you’re going to be around other gay people that everything is going to run seamlessly. The key here is communication and understanding. Just as you want to be understood, you have to realize that other people want to be understood as well. Don’t give up on being able to connect with people.

The reality is that when e separate that far away from the world, we’re cutting ourselves out of opportunities. We can’t just assume that every straight person has a problem with us. Yes, there are people that just aren’t comfortable with gay people. You have people that are protesting against something that people have been doing for thousands of years — getting married.

If you aren’t keeping a journal, you very well should. It gives you a chance to dream of the life that you ultimately want. That can help you break away from getting so worked up with everyone and what they’re doing that you get discouraged. There is a time and a place for everything, but getting upset just takes away your power. Why not check into everything that you can do, today, to make yourself feel better?

Getting back to balance might not be easy, but gay teens; it’s exactly what we need to do!

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When To Get Tested for STDs

February 7, 2013 by Leave a Comment

One of the top things that should be on your mind right now is getting tested for STDs. Even if you feel that you’re in a committed relationship and there’s no need to test, you should still test anyway. The truth is that we don’t always know what another person is up to. In addition, STDs can also take months, even years to manifest fully. That means that if you’re in a very new committed relationship, your partner could have contracted something before you two got together. It doesn’t have to be a matter of infidelity.

Obviously, if you are choosing to have risk aware sex with someone that has an STD and you’re using protection, you want to make sure that you get tested regularly just to see whether or not the infection has spread to you. When done properly, the risks can be reduced greatly.

It might feel a little frightening talking to a doctor about this, especially when you haven’t told them that you’re gay. You might worry that they’re going to judge you. However, the doctor’s job is to give you quality medical care. That doesn’t take into account your sexual orientation. You will also want to make sure that you’re checking with other clinics that cater to people form a broader range of lifestyles. Just because a doctor may hold personal views that are different from yours doesn’t mean that he wants to see you be harmed just because of those views.

Getting tested regularly is also just peace of mind. You don’t want to settle for just STD testing. Make sure that you’re really getting all of the other medical things tested. You want to be sure that you’re looking at getting your blood work done to ensure that you are truly as healthy as you can be.

The thing is that health is something that we have to fight very hard for in order to still have. If you aren’t careful, you could find that you contracted something that you just cannot get rid of very easily. Early detection and even early prevention methods could really save your life!

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Photography and the Gay Experience

February 3, 2013 by Leave a Comment

Building your self confidence as a gay teen means that you need to think about anything and everything that’s going to keep you feeling happy, connected, and in love with everything around you. Sure, it’s never easy to hear that you have so much opposition to your lifestyle.

But here’s something that can really boost your life in a lot of ways — photography. Indeed, photography is something that is really core to the gay experience. We need more photos of what gay life really looks like.

I’m not talking about publicity photos from Ellen either. Don’t get me wrong, I love Ellen. I love what she does for the gay community. I love that she’s truly in love with Portia de Rossi, I love that she’s so committed to her lifestyle and making gay teens the subject of a lot of outreach. I love Dan Savage. I love George Takei. These are all incredible people. However, they can feel a little out of our reach as gay teens.

It can feel like we’re missing a big slice of gay life. Do normal people act like celebrities represent their real, everyday lives? Not really.

It’s time for us to take pictures of life as it unfolds. If you don’t have a camera right now, you should definitely get one. Your phone should also have a camera to capture those little moments while you are out and about. The more that you can plan these things out, the better off you will honestly be in the long run. It’s just time to really think about anything and everything that can really tie your experience together. The more that you plan; the better off you will truly prosper. But you have to keep your wits about you. You have to stay sharp. You have to stay focused. You have to think about anything and everything that could get in your way. You have to think about the people that make you unhappy — and then choose to be happy anyway.

Social networking can connect you to other gay youth. They will share their pictures of everyday life with you, and that’s what this is all about. We want to feel normal, because we are normal. If we continue to hide in the shadows and assume that what we’re doing is wrong, then we’re always going to be wrong. If we always look at the world of gay youth as something that’s wrong or separate, then we’re not going to go anywhere fast.

We deserve better, gay teens. In fact, you deserve better. You have to claim your good even when it hurts. Because without it, we just won’t go anywhere at all. That’s the whole point of all of the outreaches and the support groups.

If you’re feeling isolated and alone right now, you should know that it’s never too late to truly reach for something worthwhile. It’s never too late to feel loved and protected. Get help before things go out of hand. There are more people that love you than you can ever imagine!

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